Is She Sleeping Through the Night?

This is perhaps the most frequently asked question after “what’s his/her name” when you’re a new parent. After nine months, I can finally answer “yes.” Last night was the very first time Caroline slept the entire night from 6:30 last night until 6:15 this morning. No crying, no nursing, just one long, uninterrupted stretch of sleep.

Did I actually use the word finally? It’s been a goal we’ve been working towards for months, but it is with a slightly heavy heart that I document our success. Am I okay? Am I the same mother who was all gung-ho about “working myself out of a job” and encouraging Caroline to be independent when she was still swaddled up in my arms?

Don’t get me wrong; this is a wonderful milestone. That Caroline can now soothe herself back to sleep if she does wake up in the middle of the night is a positive accomplishment for her. For me, however, I may just need a few days to feel the effects of a good night’s sleep in order to embrace this first step towards independence. It may be no more than ten minutes total that I spend nursing her back to sleep twice a night, but those moments are priceless. Cuddling up with my sleepy girl who makes soft purring-like sounds, gently rocking her as she nurses back to sleep…what on earth could give you more comfort and pleasure than that?

This may have been a one-time occurrence. If it is, I will still encourage my little birdie to fly, regardless of how much I miss her at night. I will just keep reminding myself how nice it might be to look at myself in the mirror again and find the red veins and blue bags are no longer the most prominent characteristics of my eyes…until Caroline gets a baby brother or sister and the sleeping game begins again.