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I suppose it's time to blog again on my motherhood site, since we're done with traveling and with our travel blog and I'm sitting here, pregnant again! I'm about 9.5 weeks at this point and very anxious for my first doctor's appointment on Monday.
This pregnancy was more planned than the first, in that I not only calculated out my fertile days, but shared that info with Chris this time around. On vacation out West, the task was taken very seriously, but that did not spoil the fun. Thinking back, I knew even before we flew back from NM that our attempts were successful and it was confirmed when the tears rushed out of me, out of the blue, at the mere possibility of being pregnant again while driving to grocery store (that same feeling, in the car too, came over me with Caroline). It's so strange how much you know if you just listen to yourself.
This pregnancy feels very different from the last one and there are many reasons I feel guilty about that. First of all, even with the nausea and tiredness, I have a hard time remembering I'm pregnant at all most of the time. When I do happen to remember, I feel nothing but guilt about not being even half as excited as I was with Caroline. I'm blaming both things on the fact that I haven't seen a doctor to first, confirm that I really am pregnant (I did only take one test this time and the faint blue line dissapeared after an hour or two) and second, to reassure me that this baby is healthy. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but I don't want to get my hopes up until I'm sure everything is A-okay.
The other reason to feel guilty has been my lack of taking care of myself. I'm not convinced that I didn't eat the same carb-filled foods the first time around, however, my weight was much lower to begin with, so I certainly didn't feel this large at just two months. Thankfully, empire waists are in-style this year, so I can be comfortable without having to wear maternity clothes all the time just yet. To beat myself up even further, I've been reading my old pregnancy journal, which reveals me still jogging in Newport and visiting the gym everyday regardless of a big round belly being in the way. I'm working on turning things around though, and have joined the YMCA and today started planning out healthier meals that don't include as much Elio's pizza and french fries.
With seven months to go, I'm feeling like Caroline will be at a great age to be a big sister. She is becoming so independent; she can basically feed herself, entertain herself, and we've just taken potty training to the next level with pull-ups and constant trips to her little singing potty. I'm confident she'll be trained by the time this baby arrives. This is all making me realize how grown up she is and while she is more fun than I ever imagined, I do smile at the thoughts of having another tiny baby to cuddle up with again.
It will be interesting to see how different things are the second time around. I'm hoping it's like riding a bike and all the knowledge of how to take care of a newborn will come rushing back to me when he or she arrives. My only worry is that I will have no willpower to allow this baby to comfort itself and will choose instead, to keep the baby in my arms every second of the day. I'm glad that Caroline is not a clingy child and does just fine when I leave her for a bit, but I wonder if I could have been less disciplined about the time spent holding her, moving her into her own room and other things to force independence on her and came out with the same result.
This pregnancy was more planned than the first, in that I not only calculated out my fertile days, but shared that info with Chris this time around. On vacation out West, the task was taken very seriously, but that did not spoil the fun. Thinking back, I knew even before we flew back from NM that our attempts were successful and it was confirmed when the tears rushed out of me, out of the blue, at the mere possibility of being pregnant again while driving to grocery store (that same feeling, in the car too, came over me with Caroline). It's so strange how much you know if you just listen to yourself.
This pregnancy feels very different from the last one and there are many reasons I feel guilty about that. First of all, even with the nausea and tiredness, I have a hard time remembering I'm pregnant at all most of the time. When I do happen to remember, I feel nothing but guilt about not being even half as excited as I was with Caroline. I'm blaming both things on the fact that I haven't seen a doctor to first, confirm that I really am pregnant (I did only take one test this time and the faint blue line dissapeared after an hour or two) and second, to reassure me that this baby is healthy. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but I don't want to get my hopes up until I'm sure everything is A-okay.
The other reason to feel guilty has been my lack of taking care of myself. I'm not convinced that I didn't eat the same carb-filled foods the first time around, however, my weight was much lower to begin with, so I certainly didn't feel this large at just two months. Thankfully, empire waists are in-style this year, so I can be comfortable without having to wear maternity clothes all the time just yet. To beat myself up even further, I've been reading my old pregnancy journal, which reveals me still jogging in Newport and visiting the gym everyday regardless of a big round belly being in the way. I'm working on turning things around though, and have joined the YMCA and today started planning out healthier meals that don't include as much Elio's pizza and french fries.
With seven months to go, I'm feeling like Caroline will be at a great age to be a big sister. She is becoming so independent; she can basically feed herself, entertain herself, and we've just taken potty training to the next level with pull-ups and constant trips to her little singing potty. I'm confident she'll be trained by the time this baby arrives. This is all making me realize how grown up she is and while she is more fun than I ever imagined, I do smile at the thoughts of having another tiny baby to cuddle up with again.
It will be interesting to see how different things are the second time around. I'm hoping it's like riding a bike and all the knowledge of how to take care of a newborn will come rushing back to me when he or she arrives. My only worry is that I will have no willpower to allow this baby to comfort itself and will choose instead, to keep the baby in my arms every second of the day. I'm glad that Caroline is not a clingy child and does just fine when I leave her for a bit, but I wonder if I could have been less disciplined about the time spent holding her, moving her into her own room and other things to force independence on her and came out with the same result.
posted by Alissa at 12:42 PM
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