Okay, I'm ready!

Well, my nails and toes are manicured and pedicured, so I'm officially ready to go into labor any time now (just waiting for the little guy to be ready too!). I'm now 36 weeks (26 days left to be exact). I met my mom at the doctor's yesterday and though there was no encouraging news about my body being close to ready for delivering, I'm still in good spirits. I'm very crampy today, perhaps from the incompetent midwife's exam yesterday, and all of a sudden last night, my already low hanging belly seemed to begin falling onto my pelvic area even more. My body both looks and feels quite ridiculous.

My Mom has given me all of the washed blankets and clothes back for the baby and I'm starting to make last minute lists and do some final organizing and cleaning. I'm quite happy with myself; for being able to have patience, even when Heather is close to delivering her baby (I think she will be making her way to the hosptial this week) and for the level of excitement I'm feeling now, despite our nightmare attempted home purchase not being totally resolved (which it may be by tomorrow). I am just so excited to meet our little guy.

I'm not really nervous about the labor at all, though I'm a little nervous now that I've met a midwife whose competence I have no faith in. There are four or five others though, so there's a good chance she won't be on call when I'm delivering. What I am nervous about is Caroline; leaving her here while Chris and I are at the hospital and her reaction to the baby and all the changes there will be when he's demanding so much of my attention. We've been spending even more of our free time lately doing fun things with her and though I feel like we should be relishing this time in our lives, I do fear it will make it even harder for Caroline to adust when our world doesn't revolve just around her anymore.

Moving On

(Written March 31, 2008)
Now that we've had over a week to let reality set in, I am finally beginning to move on from our big house catastrophe. As much as we tried not to, Chris and I spent the week in misery, feeling sick, tired and just depressed about not getting the house, losing money and being stuck in the apartment with two children and rooms full of our packed belongings. We did hire an attorney to try and recover some of the $20k deposit, but are hopes are not high and we know we have a slim if any chance if our case does go to court.

With a baby boy on the way in five weeks or less, I really have no choice but to move on. I've been terrified that any feelings of stess and depression will affect the baby. I've also been postponing all the preparations until after we moved, so I'm now feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that is left to do for the little guy's arrival. He's still kicking and rolling up a storm and mixed with several cases of the hiccups per day, my stomach just never stops moving. It's getting extremely difficult to get up and move both myself and Caroline around lately. I've definitely begun the "my body has had enough" stage, which I'm trying to stay positive about, since it just means I'll be meeting him soon. I've also suddenly lost 75% of my appetite, I have just one maternity shirt that my belly doesn't hang out of and I've purchased my hospital pjs, added signs that I'm very close to being ready for this pregnancy to end.

Caroline has been acting a bit peculiar lately. Though Chris and I have been trying to do fun things with her when he's home, the past few days have been tantrum filled. I'm sure she senses all that's been going on, she's been cooped up in the house while Chris has been taking the car to work and I've been packing and unpacking, and there's increased evidence now in the apartment that the baby is coming soon. She has become overly attached to her Lightning McQueen racecar and giraffe, which haven't left her little hands in a week and she's been taking every opportunity to cuddle up (using my belly as her personal pillow) with me. It's been a challenge stopping the meltdowns before they start and I am having a hard time physically moving her to do things, like take a timeout, which adds to my frustrations. I'm just praying that bringing the new baby home will not be too much for her, and as a result, all of us. I think my biggest fear is that the birth of the baby will not be as intensely happy as it should be because of the adjustment it will be for all of us, especially Caroline.