Life Before Baby - 4 Weeks to Go!

This was a journal entry I wrote four weeks before my due date:

I have the day off today since my computer, telephone and all my other work things are being hauled to our new office in Massachusetts. I've spent the day trying to get every nook and cranny in the house squeaky clean before this baby shows up, but I've only gotten about one third of it done so far and it's already 3:00. I feel like my energy level has been cut in half for the past week or so. So I'm sitting here drinking my one cup of java for the day with a few cookies and lifetime on. I can't help but wonder and fear that this is what every day is going to be like once I'm no longer working and home for good...cleaning, wasteful tv, and feeling like the most important thing I've done all day is something like washing the nobs on the stove.

But then I remember that I won't be here alone and the point of my every day won't be getting the house entirely clean. There will be a little person with me, depending on me to take care of her and teach her, comfort and have fun with her. Now that my due date is just four weeks away I'm filled with an overwhelming amount of both excitement and fear. I'm starting to get the first signs that this little girl is preparing herself for birth...I've been very crampy for the past week, needing to go to the bathroom every five seconds and the midwife says her head has dropped down to the bottom of my uterus.

I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait to see her face and hold her tiny body in my arms. I even can't wait to finally experience giving birth. But the thoughts of having everything ready for her arrival including being ready to become a parent is a bit stressful to say the least. I'm afraid I won't be a good mother. A good mother to me is someone who has the energy to keep up with her kids, who teaches them new things everyday, who comforts them, makes them laugh, and is involved. But I'm hopeful a daily workout and lots of coffee will help resolve my energy issues for the most part and I'll be able to keep my butt off the couch and be running around with my kids instead!

The 5 Keys of Being a Good Mother

What is a good mother? I’m sure this answer is different for every mother out there. There are many things I want to be for my daughter and there is so much I want to teach her. “The Five Keys,” which came from a book I received for Christmas about raising a daughter, sum up what I think are the most important actions I can take to raise my little girl to be a great woman. Giving Caroline unconditional love and constantly working on these five keys I think will help me to be the kind of mom I want to be.

1. Be her mother. Not her best friend.

2. Let her live her own dreams. Don’t try to make her live yours.

3. Be a strong, confident woman.

4. Be a good wife. You’re shaping her future relationships with men.

And my very favorite one:

5. Be aware that your goal is not to be the center of her life forever, but to work yourself out of a job.

Number five is my favorite because I think it will be the most difficult thing to put into action. Tonight, for instance, I have decided Caroline should begin making the transition from her bassinet next to our bed to the crib in her very own room across the hall. She’s three months old and I know it will be much easier for both of us to make the change now, rather than at six months. Throughout the day, however, I’ve been coming up with every reason I can think of why it might be better to wait; she woke up from her nap today in her crib upset, she’s been fussy all day, she might be coming down with something, etc, etc.

The real reason has nothing to do with Caroline’s state. It has everything to do with me. Listening to her breathing as she sleeps inches away from me is the most soothing sound. And there is nothing better than lifting your head from your pillow to see those bright blue eyes, wide open and ready for a new day. Having her sleep by my side gives me the most comfort I have ever felt. I have to keep reminding myself that if I want her to grow up to be an independent woman, I must take this first step. I want her to know I will always be there for her, but I also want her to be comfortable with herself and by herself. Giving in to my own feelings would not only make her grow dependent on me but also show her that I am too weak to do what’s best for her.

As for everything else I plan on trying to teach Caroline, I know from my own mom, that the best method of teaching is to lead by example. Actions speak so much louder than words, and are way more effective than nagging. Sure there’s a chance that Caroline will grow up to be the polar opposite of me. But if I work to teach her by being the person I want her to be, the worst result is me bettering myself.

Baby Fat - And the Dieting Begins

February 1st officially began my battle to fight all that was gained and still remains after giving birth to Caroline. The best thing I could have done for myself was set and achieve a weight loss goal before I became pregnant. It was the first time I’ve even been able to lose weight and I learned three critical things from the experience. First, I learned what I need to do in terms of my meal plan and exercise routine to lose weight. Second I discovered that deep down, way deep down, I do have the will power to stay away from the ice cream isle and stop eating when I’m full. And the third and most important lesson, I learned how much fun it is to shop for clothes when you like your body. I will never forget the feeling of walking through the mall with bags of clothing that I was really excited about wearing. It’s amazing how many great outfits you can find when you don’t have to rule out those things that just won’t conceal the love handles.

With all that said, here is my plan. Without making it official by writing it down and being able to read it when I might be tempted to get my next meal at Starbucks, I might be more inclined to fail.

1. Plan ahead. Every night before going to bed, write down the menu for the next day that is within points range (I love my weight watchers).

2. Prepare meals before you’re hungry. The foods I grab when I’m starving are typically not carrots and celery sticks.

3. When I’m feeling like snacking, ask myself if eating carrots or celery sticks would satisfy me. If not, chances are I’m not really hungry.

4. Continually make short term goals throughout the day to stop myself from pigging out. This can be anything from eating at scheduled times to distracting myself with a project when I'm craving something to eat. Typically, if I can make it until bedtime, my willpower returns in the morning.

5. Exercise a minimum of 3 times a week. This is a much less than I was doing when I lost the weight before, but it’s difficult for me to even have a full 20 minutes to myself these days. If I can’t get to the gym, I will throw in my exercise video. In addition, any day it is warm enough outside, I will take a long walk with Caroline.

6. I will put money away each week and when I’m back to my pre-baby sizes, will reward myself by going shopping.

I need to remember that feeling good about my body is worth so much more than the 15 minutes of satisfaction I get from eating cookies or ice cream. I also need to be in shape enough to keep up with Caroline once she’s crawling all over the place! If the weight is finally off and stangers mistake me for the nanny, I will be very pleased.