Getting to the Good Stuff

I feel like I've had an awakening. Yesterday, I started the day out trying harder to hide my feelings of frustration or stress and deal with Caroline in a completely calm manner and a funny thing happened; we both had the best day in a long time! It has really been a constant work in progress, reacting with little or no emotion each of the many times she behaves in an undesirable way. There are many reasons (lack of sleep, a baby crying in my ear, her constantly challenging me etc.) why I have to forgive myself for being human and reacting emotionally so many times, but I'm confident the feeling I had going to bed last night after such a great day is going to stay with me and help me even further from now on. I felt like I was the Mom I've always wanted to be and in turn, Caroline was tons of fun. It helped that I also stopped myself from being so uptight when her playing involves potentially making a big mess!

When I am able to stop freaking out about whether or not Caroline is going to get paint on something besides the paper, it gives me the freedom to really enjoy watching her play. I am just amazed at how much she has grown, how much she learns every minute of the day and how much fun she is. As the day came to an end, it wasn't keeping myself calm I had to work so hard at; it was keeping myself from laughing hysterically at the things Caroline was saying. I put a giraffe puppet on my hand and used a silly voice to talk to her and she acted as if she was socializing with a completely different person (or animal rather) than Mommy. She was making eye contact with and talking to the giraffe about what she did at our playdate/pre-school, about how she tore her letter "E" and it became an "F," what her baby brother is like and things that I sometimes do with her like read books or flush the potty for her so she can go play. This was not her typical one sentence and on to the next subject kind of conversations, either. Caroline was really elaborating and telling a whole story to the giraffe. It was so wonderful to hear all of these thoughts running through her head that she might not have any reason to tell me about. She really is amazing and I hope that no matter what else is going on in my life, I never lose sight of that.